{"id":1834,"date":"2012-02-15T16:27:04","date_gmt":"2012-02-15T16:27:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.studyabroad101.com\/?p=1834"},"modified":"2024-07-25T09:43:14","modified_gmt":"2024-07-25T13:43:14","slug":"long-distance-relationship-guide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.studyabroad101.com\/blog\/2012\/02\/long-distance-relationship-guide\/","title":{"rendered":"Long Distance Relationship Guide"},"content":{"rendered":"

You may remember our post: To Be or Not To Be (Together): Long Distance Relationships<\/a><\/em> well, in honor of Valentines Day, one of our Global Ambassadors decided to write a guide on long distance relationships:\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

One of the hardest things about living so far away from home is living 15,000km from the man I love. It\u2019s common to have a tough time with long distance relationships, especially when you’re used to seeing each other everyday. Long distance relationships are not for the faint of heart, and require a great deal of work and very sound coping mechanisms. In fact, according to the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships, 60% of relationships fail when one partner goes on exchange! You may think your love is strong, but can it stand the test of a long distance relationship?<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>1. Download Skype!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Skype is a long distance godsend. You can instant message and videochat with ease, and it\u2019s free from anywhere in the world! You can also call cell phones and landlines with skype, but that costs money (albeit not very much – about a dollar an hour) that you can purchase in the form of skype credits on the website. Videochat is kind of like being together in person, but is no replacement – touch and smell are of course not part of the experience, yet are an integral part of in-person relationships. Also, a huge break in routine (i.e. the routine of seeing each other in person on a regular basis) can cause a lot of uncertainty and insecurity. Compensate by planning skype dates every so often that you both keep, as a reminder of your commitment to each other and a preventative measure against feelings of neglect.<\/p>\n

2. Discuss your mutual expectations<\/strong><\/p>\n

The most critical issue in long distance relationship survival is the mutual meeting of expectations. What often happens, \u00a0is that one partner wants to talk a lot more than the other. This leaves one partner feeling neglected and the other feeling annoyed and smothered. My boyfriend attended an international school for eight years, he grew used to people coming in and out of his life and developed healthy long-distance coping mechanisms. \u00a0I have a hard time dealing with the distance, so I feel the need to compensate for the lack of physical touch and presence by contacting him more often than I normally would.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>My apparent neediness and his perceived apathy eventually put a strain on us, so we decided to set aside some ground rules and explain our behaviour. The key is to compromise. <\/em>If your significant other wants to contact you every day but you want to contact them every week, you can meet halfway and contact each other every three days. It is also important to reach an understanding <\/em>of where you are both coming from. This means explaining what your needs are, and why they are so.<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0Avoid misunderstandings<\/strong><\/p>\n

Miscommunication is another huge problem in long distance relationships. 85% of contact between people is nonverbal, and that number is probably much higher for those in love. It\u2019s no wonder things can go awry once that component is eliminated. Avoid sarcasm and jokes that might be seen as offensive or mocking without the proper emoticons when using email or instant messenger. Reserve that kind of behaviour for video chat.<\/p>\n

4. Don\u2019t freak out when your significant other asks who a newly-added Facebook friend is!<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s perfectly normal to feel disconnected from your significant other\u2019s life. This feeling is especially magnified when she or he makes new friends whom you don\u2019t know about. When you don\u2019t share details about your daily lives with each other, it is easy to feel severed from your lover, as if you are living on distant planets. Misunderstandings, if not promptly dealt with, can easily lead to jealousy and even mistrust. To solve this, make sure to be as open and candid at possible with your lover about your day-to-day lives so that he or she can picture you in certain contexts and feel connected with you. And if he or she questions a facebook add, do not get upset or feel it is a sign of mistrust – it may merely be an indicator that he or she feels disconnected from your life and wants to learn about the new friends you made since he or she left.<\/p>\n

5. Don\u2019t freak out if your significant other questions an interaction you had with a member of the opposite sex while away. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Being disconnected from each other\u2019s life can be daunting, and it\u2019s so easy for minds to run away, especially among us creative types (I am a born story weaver, which unfortunately extends to me imagining crazy stories about what might be going on in my boyfriend\u2019s life, which, not surprisingly, drives him crazy). Don\u2019t make a big fuss and just tell the truth. And if you\u2019re the type who has a crazy imagination, try to maintain awareness that these thoughts have no logical basis.<\/p>\n

6. Don\u2019t let misunderstandings turn into mistrust. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Keep communication consistent. Picture your day to day life as a giant portrait. The more blank spaces you keep in your partner\u2019s portrait of you, the more space he or she has to fill with his or her imagination, which can be quite pessimistic. If you\u2019re the pessimistic type, start a journal of all the nice things your significant other did or said to you. Next time you feel neglected, look at that book and remember the good parts of your relationship. Hopefully that\u2019ll help you realize it\u2019s all in your head. Trusting your partner is the best thing you can do for your relationship!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>7. Send gifts. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Presents are a huge way to show your lover you care about them and miss them. Try to mail packages for special occasions such as birthdays and definitely Valentine\u2019s Day. Think of the extra cost of airmail to be equivalent to the amount you\u2019d spend on treating your significant other to dinner anyway. In my experience, mail services almost always suck, so take the amount of time it estimates the package will get there, multiply it by 3, and that should be approximately the amount of time it will actually take (in business days, excl. Saturday and Sunday). \u00a0A big mistake is to underestimate the impact of gifts. Even if your lover says he or she does not want to receive gifts, assume she is lying out of politeness. Everyone wants to feel special, especially at such a distance where everything feels so up in the air and uncertain.<\/p>\n

8. Always give the benefit of the doubt<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Cheating: I learned this the hard way. If you accuse your lover of cheating, there are two possible scenarios:<\/p>\n